ilvadel

ohio medicaid sucks. going back to cali on the 22nd, and will get treatment. i should have had this done by now. i suck.

im home in ohio. its okay because im getting lots of rest.

a note about my last post. a close friend helped me see that im not scared as much as i regret neglecting my health. thanks dp.

in any case, im sleeping a lot, staying clean, and playing a little catch up afa my health goes.

more soon.

so i might have the option of moving back to ohio to get the testicle excised and taking my carboplatin in ohio but it is socially unacceptable to live in your moms basement.

its probably time to grow a bald man ponytail, get rehab, get fat, and open a comic book store in columbus. you know what i mean.

i see my urologic oncologist on wednesday and will find out. last i heard, the carboplatin has to be taken in isolation, so if i have to recover in a home or a hospital, i may as well stay here. six of one, half dozen of the other.

sorry about the 'down' posts. ive been thinking a lot lately. one of these old days, i will post about my adventures in sf. much better reading, although a lot of it is also sad but a hell of a lot more interesting. [edited]

my sister Brigitte died 21 oct 2008. if i were a betting man, i would never have bet that she would be the first to go.
today i posted a comment to her myspace profile, it was a little ditty she taught me:

See, see my playmate,
Come out and play with me
And bring your dollies three
Climb up my apple tree
Slide down my rain barrel
Into my cellar door
And we'll be jolly friends
Forever more.

... and when i posted it i saw her status: Brigitte is at home.
and i reckon she is.

but i wish she was here.

its been a couple weeks since i was diagnosed with testicular cancer. ive been through lots with my journey through aids, but this is probably the most scared ive been. when i was very sick with tb, invasive aspergillosis, and pneumocystis, it wasnt so bad because i was very 'out of it', thanks to febrile delirium (thank you febrile delirium).
next wednesday i see a urologic oncologist, and i believe they will excise the right testicle then. apparently it is a minor procedure.
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Inguinal_orchiectomy
afterward, i will be treated with carboplatin, a chemotherapy agent. i think the urology clinic told me that i will take the treatment in isolation since carboplatin can cause further suppression of the immune system.
so this is my first post. not very cheerful, but i didnt have a lot to say before this.
wish me luck. im scared.

'wake up'

go vegetarian. i did it for about 3.5 years and my doctor flipped. but, i was a bad vegetarian... a non-meatatarian i guess. in any case, my doctor said people with aids should not be vegetarians.

pre-aids

everything by wham.

arnold, from torch song trilogy

cease having sex

my wish is that my corpse be disposed of as my mother wishes; this means burial in obetz cemetery near my sister. if i outlive mom, i want my body donated to science. theres a lot that can be learned from my corpse, since i have a "complex medical history". i want my titanium hips recycled unless the metal hip industry can use them to improve their product.
EDITED 7 April 2009: mom really wants me next to her. my wish is that my corpse is buried next to her regardless of who dies first. mom will be buried next to brigitte and i will be buried next to mom and aaron will be buried next to me. on the other side of bridgy will be her adult children.

''That was a pretty good comeback. Speaking of comebacks, how's the cum in the back of your mouth?'' Credit for this one should go to CompuServe. My ''Big Brother'' worked there, and would let me play a computer game called ''Insult''.